Finally haematology class is over. I don't hate it but maybe because after the long 3 months of holiday, my brain didn't get use to a long-almost-15-hours-class non stop with added hours of laboratory experiments (yes, clinical pathology class is kind of new to us) I accepted that i didn't study well this time, and i accepted that i study all of them two days before the final examination, and it went pretty.. messed up. But hey, at least it's not as messed up as ObGyn class last time!
Life has been complicated lately. Yes, complicated.
Too much feelings involved and since i'm not used to it, i kind of didn't know what to do. People came and gave me opinions, but well.. it really didn't make it easier. I almost wish i could throw it all away like i used to, but this time, it won't go -Because deep in my brain, i know i won't let it go-
I'm trying to be sober, but everytime one thing related to this/him (yeaah, 'him') appeared for a second, they're flooded all over my head. Feelings and thoughts. I feel like i'm completely drunk. It's like everything is different, so different. I guess, everything what they said about 'when you're in love, every song sounds make sense' is right.
Of course this is not the first time to me. I've been trying to.. not feel (more precisely, avoid) to this kind of feelings almost for 5 years. I didn't say that i hate being in love, it just that.. i'm afraid of falling down.
I write things, stories (well, most of them sad stories) but it seems that eventhough i wrote about morals and how you dealt with heartbreaks or deaths, it seemed that i do not understand it that much. Specially when i am the one in that position.
As what we wrote in Endymion, when Althea finally accepted that Flux really gone, she said
There's something greater, something that cannot simply explained by logic, eventhough i know that such thing as emotions and feelings are controlled by our lymbic system. I can't just run away from all of these feelings, and avoid them. That'd make me as a coward.
This time, i want to choose. I want to make my choice, and no matter what happened, i'll stood and face it. I didn't want to run away again.
See? that's how i got really drunk this time, as you can see in my writing -__- i hate to say it. But well, i don't know what to do anymore. It's not that there'll be someone read this and give opinions, but sometimes there are times i just want to write things.
Oh, and also, beside that long useless-chit-chat of something 'blurry', i got a few song that stucks in my head and everytime i have a spare time, i just grabbed and sing it along with my ukulele, here's my recent playlist :
Life has been complicated lately. Yes, complicated.
Too much feelings involved and since i'm not used to it, i kind of didn't know what to do. People came and gave me opinions, but well.. it really didn't make it easier. I almost wish i could throw it all away like i used to, but this time, it won't go -Because deep in my brain, i know i won't let it go-
I'm trying to be sober, but everytime one thing related to this/him (yeaah, 'him') appeared for a second, they're flooded all over my head. Feelings and thoughts. I feel like i'm completely drunk. It's like everything is different, so different. I guess, everything what they said about 'when you're in love, every song sounds make sense' is right.
Of course this is not the first time to me. I've been trying to.. not feel (more precisely, avoid) to this kind of feelings almost for 5 years. I didn't say that i hate being in love, it just that.. i'm afraid of falling down.
I write things, stories (well, most of them sad stories) but it seems that eventhough i wrote about morals and how you dealt with heartbreaks or deaths, it seemed that i do not understand it that much. Specially when i am the one in that position.
 |
| Althea from Endymion |
"No matter how much you stretch your hand out, there’s something that you can’t touch"
and i believe that she's true. There's something greater, something that cannot simply explained by logic, eventhough i know that such thing as emotions and feelings are controlled by our lymbic system. I can't just run away from all of these feelings, and avoid them. That'd make me as a coward.
This time, i want to choose. I want to make my choice, and no matter what happened, i'll stood and face it. I didn't want to run away again.
See? that's how i got really drunk this time, as you can see in my writing -__- i hate to say it. But well, i don't know what to do anymore. It's not that there'll be someone read this and give opinions, but sometimes there are times i just want to write things.
Oh, and also, beside that long useless-chit-chat of something 'blurry', i got a few song that stucks in my head and everytime i have a spare time, i just grabbed and sing it along with my ukulele, here's my recent playlist :
High and Dry - Radiohead
Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner
Dekat di Hati - RAN
Jangan Cintai Aku Apa Adanya - Tulus
Adelaide Sky - Adhitia Sofyan
I don't always listened to Indonesian music but when i do, that means it is really good x) Both for Tulus and RAN are really good, i'd give them 4.5 of 5 since i love all of their music. You should try to listen it to!
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