What Lies Behind

Finally we're at the end of 2014, there's so much things and memories to treasure along this year. University memories are absolutely one of the best moments, i got into student council, running a fashion show competition with a super weirdo theme called 'dia de muertos', becoming the part of a crazy-wild-team of dekdok, sinking into the ocean of business because of all of it and so many more.

 I would call 2014 is a year of patience and learning all the things i never wanted to know before. I started learning about the thing that hasn't come to my mind after almost 6 year of hiatus (of loving someone, actually) and how to deal with them. And i called it my summer.

Summer is like reading the first page of nicholas spark's book. It was wonderfully written and too good to be true. It was sweet and all, but well, thing is sometimes always not like what it seems. One day, he just walked away, like summer leaving the year and at the very first day of autumn, he's completely gone. As for myself, i didn't regret a lot about summer, it's more like, he taught me how to cope with things i was afraid to face before.

And then, Autumn was always part of the falling memories. Remembrance is always the song of autumn, so i started remembering Abel like i used to, but soon to realize that i cannot do this anymore. And i was right in time to say that, and soon after i decided myself, his brother came in help for me to get his belongings to the garage. I might never recover from that scars, but to know that i finally close the book it just.. calms me down (even sometimes i cannot resist to remember it again and played his recording on my mind)

But here's the thing about life,

"if you're brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello"


And as for winter, it turns out behind the pale looking sky and the cold winter night, i found star. A bright star, it's such an irony since it took me so long to realize there's a fair star out there in the sky, but i'm glad that finally i could see it.

Short said, 2014 is awesome but 2015 has so much for me.

I cannot wait to see what happen next in this brand new year!

Dor

Things are getting better lately, i haven't complained much about life but more like accepting it. It's a good lesson, since complaining doesn't really solve anything better. And lately i found that letting go is actually one of probably the best decision i've made for S, i didn't have time to write this in my blog but here i am.
About a few weeks ago i got the opportunity to help his brother to open up and clean all his belongings, i got to say, it's not an easy job but i'd really love to open 'a little' memories. And for importantly, finding his personal journal he used to write back then. Everything was still in the same condition. Room, desk, bed, and..

 Piano.

As much as i know, the view of the unused, dusty piano he used to play is the one that totally wreck my heart. And suddenly what Haruki Murakami's said is true, 'Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.' Suddenly i have this uneasy, unexplained feelings. It's both of sad and that warm feeling. I somehow feel like i'm home for a long long time, but at the same time, i feel like there's a storm raging on inside my heart.

I cannot really say much what happened after that. Overflowing memories, i'd say. To not cry at that moment was probably too impossible. I can still remember there are a lot of his belongings that really reminds me a lot of him. Paperworks, doodles, books, novels, handwritings, and so on. 

I saw books and it reminds me of the time when he used to tell me things about history and freakish things.
I saw records and it reminds me of his piano playing, and how he gorgeously calmed and amused me with it.
I saw doodles and it reminds me of the time when we used to draw things continuously.
I saw his handwritings and it reminds me of the time when he used to write things, poetry, stories, letters as he silently listening to the pouring rain.

A rare pluviophile, a freak, nerd, wallflower, pianist, poet, romantic, brainiac that's what he is. 

Forbidden to remember and terrified to forget, I can only note that scars probably have the strange power to remind me that my past is the best memories and that they're sad,

because we all know that they'll never happen twice.

A Look in the Glass

Yesterday i have a vivid dream about a girl.
A Green-haired girl.
Yes, green.

I don't really remember how she looked like but i remember the colour of her hair, it was green, not anything like leaf, but more like.. lake. Maybe this kind of green (i'm not sure what is it called, but i think it's emerald green)

I don't always write about dreams but when i do, it's usually something that i need to remember or just because it's simply awesome. And also, i don't always write about my dreams simply because most of them are nightmares, well, lately. And last night's dream is none of the above. It's that kind of dream that puzzled you.

It's started about 9 pm (well, in my dream, i have a strong feeling that it is 9 pm), i was reading and i sat in the middle of my house. I guess no one is home because it was so quiet, i can hear the clock is ticking. Suddenly, i have the sense that tell me to look at the outside, i cannot explain it. It was raining outside, and i saw nothing. It was completely dark. I looked outside through my window, and suddenly i realized there's a girl.

That green-haired-girl. She looked so.. perfect (?) i don't know, my thought said it that time.
She's smiling and wave her hand at me, so i waved back. And then, i feel something in my hand, it was blood. I realized i have blood all over my body. But since i'm not that scared of blood and i'm getting used to this kind of scenario in my dreams (let's just say that i have so many nightmares before this until i get used to it) i'm just.. feeling alright.

And that girl didn't really say anything. She's just smiling, that kind of smile that makes you calm.
Then i hear piano play, and noticed that the green-haired-girl is only a reflection.
Yes, reflection in the glass. And definitely not mine.

It was so weird. Everything got back to normal when the green-haired-girl gone. And the piano play turn to the sound of the rain again.

Halloween Make-up Ideas

Halloween is coming near and have you prepared for everything?

Today i just rewatched The Purge : Anarchy and it's as good as the last time i saw it. If you haven't seen it, i do think that you need to watch it! The second The Purge is much much much better than the first, which is pretty weird for a sequel. But that's because the story expand, not only in one house, but explaining more what's going on actually when the purge is happened outside the house. It's thrilling and tense, and i really love how they made the plot. And plus, it has a good ending, you should watch it!

The Purge gave me so much inspiration for my halloween ideas, specially with the make up. It's scary and there's not a lot of effort to do. I have picked some make up ideas before, and it's involved with Kyary pamyu pamyu's and Us The Duo in Book of Life Soundtrack.

I know, i'm no good with make up, specially with pretty and all girly and kawaii make up, but when it comes to horror special effects (let's just say, like spooky make-up and zombies) i'm actually good at it. The last time i do that was for my friend's stage make up, and i turned her into a scary granny with a lot of wrinkles x'D (i know, i have a weird talent)

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu

 Kyary pamyu pamyu's make up definitely my first choice, specially because i can combine it with my seifuku and i'll added up with a devil headband :3 The second is carissa alvarado's make up from book of life soundtrack, it looks really good and fun to do! (i really love how she put up the bling bling stickers)

 And the third is from The Purge, which is actually cool and creepy (since both above is not that creepy compared to two below)

The Purge : Anarchy

There's still a lot ideas to do, but most of them are so difficult (like involved liquid latex, which is for now impossible to purchase it in here) and too risky. This time i want something that is simple but stunning and yet still have the creepy vibe :3

Unexpected

Finally haematology class is over. I don't hate it but maybe because after the long 3 months of holiday, my brain didn't get use to a long-almost-15-hours-class non stop with added hours of laboratory experiments  (yes, clinical pathology class is kind of new to us) I accepted that i didn't study well this time, and i accepted that i study all of them two days before the final examination, and it went pretty.. messed up. But hey, at least it's not as messed up as ObGyn class last time!

Life has been complicated lately. Yes, complicated.
Too much feelings involved and since i'm not used to it, i kind of didn't know what to do. People came and gave me opinions, but well.. it really didn't make it easier. I almost wish i could throw it all away like i used to, but this time, it won't go -Because deep in my brain, i know i won't let it go-


I'm trying to be sober, but everytime one thing related to this/him (yeaah, 'him') appeared for a second, they're flooded all over my head. Feelings and thoughts. I feel like i'm completely drunk. It's like everything is different, so different. I guess, everything what they said about 'when you're in love, every song sounds make sense' is right.

Of course this is not the first time to me. I've been trying to.. not feel (more precisely, avoid) to this kind of feelings almost for 5 years. I didn't say that i hate being in love, it just that.. i'm afraid of falling down. 

I write things, stories (well, most of them sad stories) but it seems that eventhough i wrote about morals and how you dealt with heartbreaks or deaths, it seemed that i do not understand it that much. Specially when i am the one in that position.

Althea from Endymion

 As what we wrote in Endymion, when Althea finally accepted that Flux really gone, she said

 "No matter how much you stretch your hand out, there’s something that you can’t touch"

 and i believe that she's true.  

There's something greater, something that cannot simply explained by logic, eventhough i know that such thing as emotions and feelings are controlled by our lymbic system. I can't just run away from all of these feelings, and avoid them. That'd make me as a coward. 
This time, i want to choose. I want to make my choice, and no matter what happened, i'll stood and face it. I didn't want to run away again.

 See? that's how i got really drunk this time, as you can see in my writing -__- i hate to say it. But well, i don't know what to do anymore. It's not that there'll be someone read this and give opinions, but sometimes there are times i just want to write things.

Oh, and also, beside that long useless-chit-chat of something 'blurry', i got a few song that stucks in my head and everytime i have a spare time, i just grabbed and sing it along with my ukulele, here's my recent playlist :

Everybody's Changing

La Vie en Rose (Christin Milloti ver.)

Creep

Summertime Sadness

Dear John

Perahu Kertas

High and Dry - Radiohead

Cooler Than Me - Mike Posner

Dekat di Hati - RAN

Jangan Cintai Aku Apa Adanya - Tulus 

Adelaide Sky - Adhitia Sofyan

I don't always listened to Indonesian music but when i do, that means it is really good x) Both for Tulus and RAN are really good, i'd give them 4.5 of 5 since i love all of their music. You should try to listen it to!

At the end of the summer

Because at the end of the summer,
i would be really sad.
To know that i cannot longer feel the warmth of the sun,
the clear blue sky,
and the summer breeze.

Because at the end of the summer,
i would be really scared.
To think that i would not be able to feel the warmth of the summer again,
to think that my next summer would be totally different than this summer.

And i wish that i wish i could go back to the very start,
but that would not be possible.
Time passed and things changed.
And we cannot take what's left in the past,
no matter how much we want it,
and the only thing we could do is to treasure them.



“I almost wish we were butterflies and liv'd but three summer days - three such days with you I could fill with more delight than fifty common years could ever contain.”
- John Keats


Because at the end of the summer,
i would not say goodbye.
Because i'm sad, i'm scared and i'm hopeless.
And if there's one time i'm being brave, i would say that

"let's make this as an endless summer"

Niagara : The Journey through Time, Antiquity & Modesty

About two days ago, finally i got the opportunity to go inside the highest building in Asia back to 1890. Very classic, oldies and charming, though it's famous because their reputation as a 'haunted mansion'. The design concept of Niagara Hotel is a blending of Brazil, Netherland, China (yes, their former owner is a chinese named Liem Sian Joe, it was originally functioned as family villa) and Victorian style. With the height around 35 meters, this building was built for about 15 years and completed at the end of 19th century.

 

 

It was an accidental night tour, since my mom is so curious about this place. And we were at Lawang, so yeah, why not? she said. It cost 100.000 rupiah for a tour around this hotel, which means you can go to the restricted area--The 4th, 5th and 6th floor. Why is it restricted? well, the tour guide didn't say anything about it.

Niagara Hotel Room

The room hotel is what i will call it 'dirty and dodgy'. It's actually clean but... well, it looks like they didn't change it until someone lay on it. The lights are dim and gloomy (sorry, but the difference from the photos in their website vs. reality is just a big shame) and i don't think i would spent my night in that room, eventhough i love the architecture.

Part of dining room

Guest Room

Dining Room

 So, what did you got for a 100.000 rupiah tour? You got tea/coffee and... scenery. I'm serious, eventhough it's like it's haunted (well, there are a lot of reports about them) but i think everyone should visit this hotel in the night, because the scenery at the top of the hotel is just awesome. Specially who loves stargazing or night city life photography, the 6th floor is probably the best spot.

You just have to go through the creepy 4th and 5th floor because it's so dark. There's no light in it, so the only light is from our tour guide's flashlight ._. From the 3th floor to 4th floor, there's a metal gate, so eventhough you're staying the night in the hotel, you can't just go to 4th floor without the guide. And that's the start where it gets creepy hahaha, kidding. I didn't experience anything spooky that time :) i'm a skeptic.

The 5th floor and The watch Tower at the top of Niagara Hotel

And not only that, there is actually the watch tower (i called it so, because there's a bench at the top of it) and please wear your jacket because it's so cold and windy in the night :s (and i was wearing short skirts at that time, i have no idea!) You can sit in the top as long as you like, and you can take a photo from the top of it but make sure you tell your tour guide, because you just don't want to make them wait for a long time because it's cold xD

 Well, and that's a brief journey and review through the haunting old ruin called Niagara Hotel in Lawang, East Java. Ciao and see you next journey time~ (sorry, i didn't get much time to write in blog since everything is so busy today :s)

Niagara Hotel

Ukulele Madness

Hi everyone!

So finally, i've one thing that finished on my summer-to-do-list :3 and it's to learn ukulele! So, please meet my new buddy music named Luddy ^3^)/ this wooden ukulele is from Mahalo, it's cheap (only 25 USD) and it's good enough for me :3

Mahalo Ukulele

My first song is, 'you and me' from Zee avi (zee avi is my first inspiration to learn ukulele) i just really love her song style and her singing is sounds so peaceful to me *_* 'You and me' is a very good song for a beginner, and very easy. Here'sa video from zee avi to make it easier to learn for you :

And here's the chord from ukehunt You and me

If you want a recommended link for ukulele chords, for me personally, i like Ukehunts. Since usually they provide you the chord in pdf + strumming pattern + video, but well they didn't have too many songs, so i guess my second recommendation is Ukutabs :)

anddd here's a list of my favourite song in ukulele ^^ 

(it's really easy for a beginner, just try it)

Swell Window

Bitter Heart

A Team

The Only Exception

Long Live

Begin Again

Fifteen

Mary's song (Oh my my my)

Face Drawing

Recently i got an obsession in drawing men's face using pencilcolor. I just couldn't resist to draw that handsome looking face in my sketchbook >-< and here's some of the results :

Vini Uehara

Rafael Gaidzinski

A few of my artworks

What's your obsession recently, folks? ^3^

Fairy Tale Cosplay : Felissimo

 I was surfing the internet when i found an article about a fashion website named felissimo. And it's wrote that they just launching their latest collection of Felissimo's Fairy tale Cosplay. I was sooo ashtonishing with their work just after i saw the whole amazingly-cute-lolita-types of dresses in their latest collection. I just.. *sigh* really wanted all of them!

And here's a pic of them :

As you can see, there are Thumbelina, Pinocchio, Anne of Green Gables, Rapunzel, Little Red Riding Hood, etc. Okay, so they're just a slight of their collection, there are still a lot of them, since their buying method is a bit weird. It's noted in the web that you can't choose which dress, but you choose their collection and they'll randomly picked one for you (well, that's why there are a lot of dresses in one collection). But if you want 2-3 dresses, make sure you didn't order them in the same month. (Felissimo will decide the actual design delivered to you. If you order more than 1 set in the same month, same designs will be delivered. If you order in another different month, a different design will be sent to you : from the website)
 
Oh, and should i noted, not just that. Felissimo still have another collection of their super cute dresses, The Sailor Seifukus! Seifuku itself means japanese girl uniform. And this is their collection :

Well, for me, i'm in love with them to death!! I'm planning to work on them (since i can't afford it, i'll just make them..) as soon as i can :'D and i can't wait to wear them to my campus! They're just too adorable!
If you wanna buy it, just click here for the blue one, and here for the white-blue :D

Two Thousand and Awesome!

Happy New Year everybody!
It's a little bit too late, but i'm definitely exciting for this new year!

We got so much fun in the New year's eve andddd it's such a moment! For a really long time, finally Ultimate reunited again *eventhough not all of them* and we did so many things :') First of all, i thought no one came (i went home really late, about 6 pm because of exams) and the party started at 7 pm. Tari did come first, then fifi. and.. well, actually we didn't think that anyone will come in time just like the three of us.

7 pm.. 7.30 pm and counting.. and finally after we prepared some of the foods (pepper-salted chicken for the win!) the boys finally came! They're way too late, but well, at least the party is finally started! From chicken to popcorn, from popcorn to strawberry cookies, from strawberry cookies to cornflakes, from cornflakes to choco cookies... well, i have no idea how hungry they are, but we did have an interesting subject to talk about! It was like the old-time, when it's only the twenty of us in the class, and everybody is participating in the story. Some of them are the story-teller, some of them are laugh, some of them are just smiling and some of them are just silent because they're too serious..

and suddenly everything becomes blur and.. it took a second for me that..
this moment is magical.

I feel like playing the same track, but in a different time and different place.

And just think about it, how wonderful is that?

We play games. We play cards. We make some punishment for the loser. We laugh a lot. We take photos. We make wishes. We did a lot of things!

And this is the project #Ultimate2014wish :

1. Beti - something related to her law school *didn't understand most of them*
2. Hafizh - something related to physics *he has an unhealthy obsession with physics, idk why* and can you see his hair? It's a bit reddish on the middle because he lose in a card game!
3. Dani - i have no idea, but well, he should make sure his drawing is seen as people reading qur'an, not people handling a gun

4. Fikri - survived and good scores, well it's everybody wishes, fik -_-)/ anyway, he sleep through   the night and didn't participate in any games at all! *went for food, then fall asleep through the night in my carpet* -_-

5. Bintang - more like random wishes, but i love the spirit! *specially the 'stay awesome' term* :3 he's such a cute boy~

6. Fifi - creative as always, i really love how she picturized her character in one paper! Definitely fifi's!

7. Afan - seriously, astral projection? he's absolutely still the same 

8. Nina - most of them are related to games *she's just too obsessed with them!* and her crazy-wild-ideas of farming snakes

9. Ekek - still the same obsession, i thought. Oh, and why did he didn't include the wish 'my hair grow back to normal'? lololol definitely feel sorry for him! *because using beanie too much is just not good for your scalp, kek!

 

10. Dharma - related to business is just so dharma! Oh, and just like hafizh, dharma did lose at the card game too! Just look at the big 2014 letter on his face!

11. MEH ! - i have sooooooooo many wishes but i can't describe it one by one!

After photoshoot session, we wait for the peak of new year's eve : 

COUNTING DOWN THE CLOCK UNTIL THE BRAND NEW YEAR!

most of them are already went home, so it just.. the five of us, afan, nina, dharma, ekek, fifi and me. It's 30 minutes again, and suddenly somebody said : how about we play truth or dare? and the game started, using tomate sauce bottle, we decided who will got his/her chance, and the first is fifi! she said yes to truth, and the second is nina, and she said yes to dare!

anddddd 1 minute to the brand new year, everybody prepared and make a circle around the dim-lighted-candle. and just about the clock tickin' to 12, everybody is blew the candle off and something happen... ekek grab the candle and started to shake it! It was definitely the most ridiculous thing to do because the hot liquid is spilled to his hand! i just can't believe that he made a daymn idiocy in the first minute of the new year!

and, TICK. The electricity is out! Just before i want to grab my camera, suddenly everything is dark! everybody went to outside the house and we started wandering around outside the house. five of us, watching the skyline, watching how the smoke from the firework filled the air and created something magically wonderful, and behind all of that is the green-red-yellow firework filling the sky!

 

 and that was THE MOST EPIC NEW YEAR EVER!